today's mood hat is: sad

Okay so i've finally gotten my internet connected so i can start blogging again (as if).

And here's me being melancholy again. Oh and add a touch of cynicism to that.

i smile when i'm sad and i laugh when i'm down
i put up and act and try not to frown.

i know what i want but i dont say a word
my thoughts count for nothing they're buried in dirt.

i guess that sums up my life.

well only been back 3 weeks and seriously it seems like a lifetime. i feel like i've been here for months and it's time to get back home. but of course there's something that's missing back home. something, someone that will no longer be there sitting at the door with a ball in her mouth. eyes bright and tail wagging urging me to play with her. sitting on my lap proclaiming herself queen. Saphi is, was, the best dog ever. have fun in doggy heaven.

it's time to stop ranting on and move on. she's in my heart and that's where she'll stay.

it's hard for pple to get into my head cos there's this wall surrounding it. hell I cant even get in sometimes. i dont know what i'm thinking. i dont like people to see that i'm sad so i just shrug everything off with a idiotic grin. maybe that's why it's such a relieve to have this blog to type out at least the very surface of what i'm really thinking. it's such a relieve to have at least one avenue, some people that i can talk to. that said, it's easy to see that i'm still holding back. i do that all the time it's part of me.

and right now i'm going to do it again. i'm going to shrug it off like it doesnt matter cos seriously i dont even know what i'm typing anymore. Look i even have that idiotic grin now.

so what have i been doing these past 3 weeks? well usuall school stuff i guess.. the mountain piles of notes, lecturers going on and on and on, long pracs and stinky body parts.... but i guess i'm not really complaining. i enjoy this course :)

anyway i have this scottish lecturer this sem. he's super super tall. like probably 2 metres or something. and he looks too young to be a lecturer.. he looks maybe early thirties? looks more like a phd student esp during pracs when everyone is in their labcoats.

oh had housewarming yesterday. too much alcohol. tokyo tea is lethal. but yummy. i guess my liver is in recovery mode now. no more alchohol for the next 6 months at least for me. and i realise that when i drink alot i cant stop talking. seriously i go on and on and on... i think everyone else was just using this housewarming thing as an excuse to drink (all those deprived members of AA). i wasnt planning on drinking so much but those damn drinking games are damn sneaky.

and i just went to a friend's housewarming today. no alcohol of course. just played like some card games and stuff.

and i think i sorta have a pretty good idea of how to play mahjong properly.. as in all the N,S,E,W, flower tiles, points/money counting and stuff. really addictive game. hahahahhah.

ok i'm not being sarcastic or anything here when i say that i'm seriously feeling better. maybe it was just like hormones or something that caused that unexplained bout of melancholy. i hate pms :S